Inner Child Lost and Found

Published June 3, 2025

by Jen Wolf

It is just a few days after PPWC25, and I have finally caught up on my sleep. Once again, the conference provided an incredible, rarefied atmosphere in which each one of us was encouraged to be our true selves.

At Friday evening’s BarCon, I talked with a lovely writer named Antoinette, who spoke to me about being a little girl and wanting only to read, all the time. I could totally relate. In elementary school, I had a habit of sneaking books underneath my partly-opened desk and reading them during class. I remembered being that little girl and I remembered thinking, from a very young age, of how much I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to give others the same thrill I enjoyed while losing myself in a book.

On Saturday morning of the conference, as I walked across the parking lot, book bag in hand, I was nervous about my pitch appointment. I remembered my conversation with Antoinette and suddenly my young self, that little girl who wanted to write books and loved to read more than anything else, appeared in my head as if she were standing in front of me, with her buck teeth and bad haircut.

I realized that to her, I was doing it – I was fulfilling her dream. On the days when I doubted why I was devoted to writing in the first place, I had forgotten that she was proud of my every attempt. I thought to myself, “I’m the grown-up you” and it brought tears to my eyes to realize that in some way, I have already succeeded. (Keep in mind, I was feeling emotional. I was about to pitch.)

I must remember that the little girl who only dreamed of writing still lives inside me. I know you have that young person inside you, too. You might take a moment, sometimes, to reacquaint yourself with you as a little one. That tiny person didn’t have a family to support, didn’t have a day job, and was blissfully ignorant of the financial and emotional realities of the writing life.

Here’s the crux: when we were young, dreaming inside and outside of books all day long, probably, we had a dreamer’s mindset. That dreamer’s frame of mind is far removed from our everyday, often anxious, mindset. If this doesn’t apply to you, I admire you and I wish you would share your secrets with me.

For myself, as I sit down to write today, I will invite my inner writer-child to join me as I work. I hope to coax her with gentleness, by relaxing into my writing time with optimism and anticipation. I will ask her to perch nearby and I know she will – with a smile on her face simply because I am doing it. (And who knows? If I get stuck, I might ask that dreamer to take the driver’s seat.)

Jen Wolf lives in Colorado Springs with her husband, Chris, and three dogs, all named after spices. She is currently writing a science fiction novel inspired by the Ancient Aliens theory.